State of Flux

I haven’t had to fight this hard in a very long time.
I forgot how exhausting it is.

I’m crying at this moment because I am physically having to keep myself on the sofa; I don’t want to binge and I don’t want to purge – and I have to keep thinking this, to trick myself into believing it.

I’m alone in my house, all my friends are at work, and I have no one to talk to.

I hope this is just a momentary blip and I don’t move, and I get some inclination to do something other than spend the rest of the day bouncing between kitchen and bathroom.

Tears all the way through writing this, I’m okay if they don’t stop.

This is such a hard day.


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