I can eat in 15 minutes

I am currently on a course of antibiotics and they are fucking up my eating – I have to take them on an empty stomach. As a rule, I generally do not let myself have an empty stomach, I do this so I don’t feel hungry and then binge eat, I can basically avoid getting back into a cycle with a couple of almonds or a stick of celery. These little bits of food keep me going and keep me on track, without them I have found myself getting more anxious around food, overeating when I do have the chance and I feel like utter . Because of this I’m really restricting my food intake today, not dangerously so, just making sure I don’t have three bowls of cereal for breakfast, kind of thing.

I’m writing this to distract myself, it’s almost been an hour since I took my last dose which means I get to eat lunch in a bit, I’m just so hungry I feel dizzy – I could honestly punch the doctor who prescribed me these, but at the moment I’m pretty sure the exertion would cause me to see double, I would punch through air and maybe topple over. I haven’t planned my lunch, which I’m realising is a bad idea – I should have sorted that out before.

Not only are these antibiotics fucking up my eating, they’ve also cause a massive eczema flare up on my face and a few other places (but they aren’t as bad nor as noticeable). So I’m sore, hungry, bloated (from over eating) and I haven’t been to the gym in a couple of days.

I have decided today will be a better day, but I’ve already had a few concerned little comments when I mentioned this – I’m trying not to let them bug me, because I know if I don’t just do what I need to do today I’ll end up feeling worse and I’ll spiral.

I’ve put on 2lbs.

Yes I’m leaving that there, by itself. If I leave it there I might be able to get on with my day and have some lunch. This is such a muddle, I blame the antibiotics.

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